I made a thread elsewhere about this, but I had to repost it here because it’s awesome and God what the fuck is wrong with me I’m becoming some psycho hermit:

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Wasps are really fucking gay and ugly. This dumbass flew in my kitchen and kept banging against the window like it was a way out. I felt kind of bad because he was obviously a retarded wasp, but this is my house, damnit (my folks, just like, um, rent it out from me, BRO). I offered him the chance of a lifetime. He was given, with no exception, five full minutes to exit through the now-open porch door.

He declined. So be it.

Like any man would, I went toe to toe with the fucked-up-looking beast. Although many of you know RAID only as a condiment, it is also a valuable weapon. I managed to land a perfect headshot and I watched it fall to and writhe in my sink for a few minutes, tapwater cascading over it like a final bath before execution. The toxins from the spray enveloped its body and seeped into each segment, closing off all quarters of its living functions.

Unfortunately for the local backyard wasp community, I had recently rewatched the anniversary edition of Cannibal Holocaust. So, ceremoniously, I mounted its carcass onto a “spear” and lodged it deep within a crack on my deck’s side-rail. I would have shoved it up its anus, but I couldn’t find it.

The results are not for the squeamish (click to enlarge):

One more pic.

It’s been a while since I’ve blogged. Sorry about that, I just haven’t felt all that interesting lately. It’s probably due to the summer months and the lack of gaming going on in them. Plus I’ve got a project I’m attempting to start that I really can’t talk about right now.

I recently saw Cars, which wasn’t disappointing because I didn’t have high hopes for it in the first place. The best thing about it was the preview for Ratatouille, which looks really fun. It’s not that Cars was a bad movie, just that I couldn’t bring myself to care about it. I suppose Pixar was due an underperformer after Finding Nemo and the best superhero movie ever made, The Incredibles.

As for gaming, I got Osu! Tatake! Ouendan!, which I’d been wanting for just about forever. Once I knew that Elite Beat Agents was a completely different game, with all-new songs and stories, it was just a matter of time before I imported. There’s always something special about music rhythm games, and Ouendan! is one of the best. I understand that it didn’t do so hot in Japan due in part to its song list being played out by the time the game hit shelves, but not being Japanese it wasn’t a problem I had.

So far I’ve beaten Ouendan!’s normal and hard modes, but I’m still not sure I’m going to take on the final extra-hard setting. On normal and hard, it’s a matter of hitting the dots to the beat using the stylus, but they show up in time to plan it out. On extra-hard, there’s barely a second before the dot (which is smaller than the ones on normal and hard) shows up and needs to be hit. Instead of a game of rhythm and timing, it becomes one of rote memorization. That’s where it goes from being play to work, and possibly where I stop playing. On the other hand, I hear it calling to me as I type.

On the other, other hand, I did get Feel the Magic’s sequel, The Rub Rabbits, today. That game sold out in about three seconds around here, probably due to a total print run I’d estimate numbering in the dozens, but it’s mine now. And coming in the mail is the PS2 game Gregory Horror Show. As slow as the summer months are for gaming, I’m pretty happy with the volume of unique stuff I’ve been seeing in the last few weeks.

So the first batch of reviews from those who’ve attended the Superman Returns screeners are hitting the web… the latest one, comes from a rather cynical editor who admits not being as anal-retentive like most crazed comic book zealots, but well — he didn’t like the film. Not one bit. Much of his review spends a great deal of complaining about what Singer and the main three characters (Routh, Bosworth, and Spacey) did wrong. Lack of chemistry between Routh and Bowworth is purportedly very obvious. Spacey channels a performance that mirrors Gene Hackman’s portrayal of Lex Luthor instead of an “evil Lex”… guess the eidotr found “HAHAHAHA……………. WRONNNNNG!” annoying. More disappointing was that those who were in the audience with the editor allegedly laughed at parts of the film that were intended to be serious.

They couldn’t have possibly been as bad as the historically lame line given by Natalie Portman’s “Anakin… you’re breaking my heart!” — could it?

I know that this movie is bound to be a hit or miss with some. I’d love to take the optimistic road right now and pray that it’s nowhere near the disappointing performance of X-men: The Last Stand. I want to believe that this flick will succeed. I want to believe Bryan did the Superman franchise justice. I’ll find out soon enough come next Wednesday.

You can check out the review here. Warning: contains some minor spoilers.

I saw the Paramount screening of Nacho Libre downtown Saturday night with several friends and wow, is it ever awesome. I haven’t laughed that hard at the theaters since Anchorman (which also, rules).

Who else saw it? It had too many funny parts for me to remember right now.

Yesterday was a strange day. A strange day indeed.. and I’d cover it all but the real kicker was what happened later in the evening. When Tasha and I were leaving my house and the sprinklers kicked on. I thought I could cut through the wet grass as the sprinkler heads were turning, while Tasha took the common sense route and walked around. I was thinking I could just Solid Snake it right through the fucking grass.

Guess who was wrong. Go ahead.

So, like being brought to the light by the hand of God — I was brought to my knees after twisting my ankle and being sprayed repeatedly in the chest from the sprinkler heads. Yeah. So, a sopping wet and aching Candice went limping to Tasha’s car and showed up at her house.. a mess.

What did Mangas do? He tried his hardest not to laugh and just patted the couch beside him. It’s all he could do, really.