No, no one died. No companies went under. Nothing Earth-shattering happened.

To you, maybe!

To me, this week was a nasty one. In an ill-conceived effort to get some damn work done around here, I let my friend borrow my 360. It really seemed like a win/win situation. He gets to sooth his disgusting addiction to my copy of Oblivion, and I get to sit down in front of the computer and clackity-clack away.

Right?

It’s too bad that, about halfway through the week, I realized that my procrastination and general bummery wasn’t my poor young Xbox’s fault at all. On the contrary, I was to blame. I know, it’s crazy! As it turns out, I’m just lazy as hell. It’s a shame that I didn’t come to this revelation until after letting him take my sexy little white box of love away. What were all of those dumb saps in the Willamette Mall going to do without me? Who was going to get infuriated at the marbles in Zuma, or at the countless clones of people on XBLA that only play as Ryu and Ken on SFII?

I’ll tell you one thing: Tomorrow I’m rushing in his house with a TV over my head, ready to jack that hot piece of machinery back like a looter in a riot (or, more appropriately, a badass photographer in a zombie-infested mall). If I haven’t returned successfully in 72 hours, call the big boys and nuke this doomed town from space.