Three weeks ago MGS: The Twin Snakes added its 2nd knotch to my gaming bed post. A week ago I beat Metal Gear 3 for the 3rd time, and this week my copy of Sons of Liberty recieves its 4th play through. I could have watched a spy flick and saved myself hours of frustration, but it’s honestly no substitude for any of these titles. Nothing beats a movie you’re the star of. Your actions control the situation, Your fear pumps adrenaline through your veins.It makes me wonder if Hideo Kojima ever considered directing films instead of producing some of the most influential games we have today.

Great. I’m rambling on like I’m your damn grandmother. Sorry, I just felt like sucking a little e-cock. As you were.

This may be old news to some but lately I’ve been reading about M$ supporting the PMS Clan and how these girls are on the frontlines of war they (hopefully) had no intention of starting. Female gamers gaining some recognition on a vast scale should be pleasing the gaming community right now but that’s not the case.

The girls are having tomatoes thrown at them by people who say they’re undeserving of their positions because they’re “nothing but Halo 2 whores”. It’s a very simple understanding that playing one game in particular doesn’t make you a gamer regardless of gender. You can’t just play Tetris all your life and claim to be hardcore. It doesn’t work that way. It’s not hard to see why some gamers are a bit peeved that a group of girls that almost exlusively competes in one game has suddenly gained the support of the biggest powerhouse of the century while the hardcore gamers are forced to play scavenger hunt for their own sponsors.

There’s a very obvious fact that gamers seem to be missing. Microsoft is a business. Like every business it has an agenda, which is to make money. What sells the most nowadays? Sex! Supporting a group of girls that not only play video games but look good doing it (depending on your preference) is a completely justifiable expense because the geeks and nerds will come flocking. At the other end of the spectrum you’ve got girls who see that being a female gamer is socially acceptable, and comes with benefits. This also encourages their gaming habits and produces more business for M$. From a business standpoint there’s no downside at all. Microsoft knew exactlly what it was getting out of this deal even if the girls at Clan PMS didn’t.

In the gaming industry, EA Games is the kid in high school who’s so afraid of becoming unpopular that they’ll say or do anything thing to fit in. With no identity or goal in mind other than ensuring they’ll win the popularity contest, more and more craptacular titles keep getting produced. Their soundtracks are laughable at best which means they’ve either hired Michael Bolton as their musical consultant or they refer to MTV’s top 20 list on a weekly basis. Now of all the abominations EA has created the one that puzzles me the most is the infamous Madden series.

First of all this is John Madden we’re talking about. The man could sneeze on a toilet seat in a public restroom and it would sell for no less than five grand on Ebay. So of course NFL fans shell out fifty plus dollars annually for a game with his seal of approval. My best friend happens to be one of those fans and would gladly take a bullet for Sir Madden. I’ve got to admit he’s quite talented at the game. So talented in fact that it’s the only video game he’s able to beat me in. Being the hardcore fan that he is he claims that Madden is the pinnacle of the football experience and here’s where he and I differ.

Let me just say that although I’m a hardcore gamer, sports games are not my cup of tea. In my opinion sports games should honestly be played on the court or field as nature intended (with the exception of Top Spin 2 because the game rocks). I can land six consecutive fierce dragon punches but I’ll be damned if I can run the ball upfield six yards. Compared to the the ESPN football games Madden is sub-par and not only in price range. The players move like members of a marching band so obviously there wasn’t a lot of time or effort put into the animation process. I especially love how the wide recievers are capable of pulling off six no look catches per game. Awareness equals ninety-nine almost every play in this game. To add even more realism to Madden sometimes the ball passes right through their helmet to score the winning touchdown. Show me the money!

Since I’ve already used John Madden’s name a number of times I probably owe him about five thousand dollars purely from royalties. I’m so glad we have an authority in sports who isn’t just out to make a dollar.

Allow me to continue the series of rants recently posted here. This one in regards to the people who have no problem with sex, drugs, and violence in movies and television but completely object to it in video games. It’s safe to assume these people are in no way hardcore gamers and are therefore uneducated on the topic to begin with.

The only difference between the two mediums are that video games are interactive. Because of that simple fact people have made numerous claims about how they promote violence amongst the youth. It seems that since the invention of pong juveniles have been sprouting up like hot-cakes. Never mind Miami Vice. No, pong is the devil. I remember watching this Looney Tunes episode as a kid where this bandit walks up to a civilian and shoots him point blank in the forehead. This was a cartoon made in the sixties and now people want their reparations for violence spanning back entire generations. I’m sorry but kids have been exposed to violence long before the PS2 came around. Because of the PS2 I’m free to act out some of my wildest fantasies. No, I’m not refering to Hot Coffee. I’m talking about while I’m bludgeoning a pedestrian’s head in with a baseball bat on the streets of Liberty City and pretending it’s my boss. I can’t name one film I could watch that would give me the same satisfaction. If not for the invention of video games I might have watched that happen on tv and said “Hey! That seems like a really good idea!”. That would’ve been the end of ClownLotion as we know it. My ability to determine what’s real or not isn’t in question here. The point is video games can be a great stress reliever and keep me people from killing their bosses.

Why is it that selling a M Rated game to a minor will get you hanged? I could sell The Terminator to a kid and get slapped on the wrist for it. How much do you want to bet I’d be in front of a firing squad the moment I try to sell that same kid a copy of GTA. The punishment should be the same across the board. The law is playing favorites. That’s like saying it’s alright for me to sell cigarettes to your kid, but not liquor because liquor gets your kid drunk and makes them do stupid things. I guess rotting your kid’s lungs and giving them cancer isn’t a big deal. That’ll be $3.50.

So the good people at Got-Next have decided to exploit my weakness aside from gaming, which happens to be gaming communities. They’re my own version of the siren’s song and I’m incapable of refusing to listen. The digital crack addiction more commonly known as MySpace has had me in it’s clutches for months and don’t even get me started on 1up. Appearantly gamers everywhere are trying to ensure my social life will come to an end in no less than six months.

My time is already divided between gaming, drinking, striking out with girls, and the routine 6 hours of sleep. Please don’t make me narrow it down to 4 hours. I’m struggling enough as it is.

-Lotion