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Joseph Luster

… I may just have to start kicking puppies and kittens if I don’t find a Wii soon. The shortage in my area is ridiculous, and every other man, woman and child that seeks one of Nintendo’s hard-to-find consoles around here must be twice as tenacious as I am.

In an extremely rare fit of calling Wal-Mart, I called Wal-Mart the other day and rejoiced (on the inside) to the fact that they indeed had (10) Wiis. No joke, they pretty much sold those in the time it took me to get my keys and run out the door.

I am now accepting donations (in the form of a Wii) to the Get Joseph a Damn Wii Foundation.




Joseph Luster

Okay, I’ll admit it. It’s only been a few days since release and I’m utterly enamored with Gears of War. There’s simply nothing quite like it. There’s been a tendency of late for naysayers to limp-wristedly smack the hands of reviewers that have been handing out near perfect scores, citing their reasoning as something obscured by glasses tinted with gorgeous graphics and nothing else.

Sure, the graphics are amazing, but I’ve never been one to stick around playing a game just because it looks nice. The gameplay is fantastic. Using the A button as your go-to ninja action control creates a completely different beast than what most shooters provide, especially in the online arena.

The campaign is an action fan’s dream. Environments range from the dilapidated cityscapes that everyone will come to associate with the visuals, to rain-drenched factories and mines that fold into locust hives buried deep underground. The oft talked about “Stop and Pop” shooting tends to transition from slow and strategic to fast and frantic in a second’s passing, as enemies hop over barriers and flank their way to your location. Though their AI can be sketchy at times, as they’ll occasionally hide behind a barrier unwavering as they get lit up by your ammunition, their brute strength is enough to keep firefights blazing for a long time.

Gears of War rewards crafty fighting tactics with its melee maneuvers, especially the chainsaw bayonet. Make your way around that stationary gunner and cut right down the middle. This translates so well into online play that it’s ridiculous. The smaller 4-on-4 game type creates more tightly knit teams that are encouraged to play intelligently, distracting opponents while another runs in for the kill. It’s far separated from the gung-ho every-man-for-himself style of most shooters.

Variety is the name of the game, really. The five acts in the single player mode never seem repetitive. There are a few really interesting boss battles, a vehicle level, etc; there’s just always something happening here.

The bottom line is that I’m online playing this pretty much every night of the week, and you should be too. If you see the gamertag Moldilox running around on XBL, shoot a message and I’ll try and be gentle with the chainsaw.




Joseph Luster

So it looks like God Hand has been getting a lot of mediocre press as far as reviews go. That’s too bad. While the game is sort of an awesome mess to put it lightly, it’s about as pure as the beat-em-up genre has been in a long time.

Seriously, if there’s one thing we should all be able to agree on, it’s the fact that the fighting is amazing in this game. It’s so gleefully over-the-top, exciting and hilarious. It’s immensely satisfying to get in the groove of the controls and watch Gene bob and weave as you prepare to dodge the next set of fruitless punches from a hot-headed enemy, or dive straight in with a spinning roundhouse that sends everyone flying.

If Okami is Clover’s calling card that proves they can handle the Zelda formula as well as anyone at Nintendo, then God Hand is their big after party, replete with plenty of health-bar-filling fruits that help wash away that staining taste of blood.

Update: How sad is it, in the wake of this praising post, to be hit with the news of Clover’s closing?




Joseph Luster

No, no one died. No companies went under. Nothing Earth-shattering happened.

To you, maybe!

To me, this week was a nasty one. In an ill-conceived effort to get some damn work done around here, I let my friend borrow my 360. It really seemed like a win/win situation. He gets to sooth his disgusting addiction to my copy of Oblivion, and I get to sit down in front of the computer and clackity-clack away.

Right?

It’s too bad that, about halfway through the week, I realized that my procrastination and general bummery wasn’t my poor young Xbox’s fault at all. On the contrary, I was to blame. I know, it’s crazy! As it turns out, I’m just lazy as hell. It’s a shame that I didn’t come to this revelation until after letting him take my sexy little white box of love away. What were all of those dumb saps in the Willamette Mall going to do without me? Who was going to get infuriated at the marbles in Zuma, or at the countless clones of people on XBLA that only play as Ryu and Ken on SFII?

I’ll tell you one thing: Tomorrow I’m rushing in his house with a TV over my head, ready to jack that hot piece of machinery back like a looter in a riot (or, more appropriately, a badass photographer in a zombie-infested mall). If I haven’t returned successfully in 72 hours, call the big boys and nuke this doomed town from space.




Joseph Luster

Seriously. Total whore for puppets. If one tried to rob me at gun-point– well, it wouldn’t have to because I’d be like, “Hey, here’s some money, you’re RAD.”

Anyway, it seems like we’re on a roll now as far as posting videos goes, and I’m down for anyone that’s making puppet shorts. The following aren’t just regular puppet shorts, though, they feature a character (Fash) made by the same people that did the marionettes for Team America (an American classic, naturally).

Streaming QT shorts (Click thumb to play):
Drums
Fash_004.jpg
Download

Telenovela
Fash_006.jpg
Download (My personal favorite. The end kind of reminds me of TA)

Sunscreen
Fash_005.jpg
Download

Click these next videos to download:

Birthday
Fash_001.jpg

Vegas
Fash_007.jpg

All videos ruthlessly kidnapped from Hey Fash.



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