Last week I came one step closer to achieving my goal of becoming the ubernerd. Playing video games wasn’t enough; nor was writing about them. The more I venture into the world of gaming, the more I want to be around them. On the inside I’m a 400 pound man feeding off the dead carcasses of every game I’ve ever beaten, and I’m only getting fatter. My appetite is never satisfied. So to ensure I’d die of a virtual heart attack, I did the only thing I could. I got a job at EB Games.

Getting the job was easier than getting rejected by a beautiful woman. It took little to no effort at all. As the English fellow with the accent thick as your moms cottage cheese thighs rang up my trade-ins I asked if they were hiring. The other guy behind the counter (whom I later found out was the manager) replied with “We’re always hiring. You want an application?” I resisted my natural instinct to look at him like he was stupid and said “Sure”. After I finished my business I went out to the car, filled out the application, slipped in a copy of my resume, and walked back into the store where the manager immediately flipped through it and told me to “hold back a minute”. What followed was the easiest job intererview I’ve ever had in my life.

When the manager got done looking over my resume he said he was ready to offer me a job right then based on what he saw desprite the fact that I have no retail experience. He hired me for three reasons:
I’m a gamer
He could tell that I’m clean (meaning I don’t smoke pot)
He liked my attitude.
I’m going to have to disagree with that last one. Ask anyone I know. I’m a complete asshole. Fortunately I’m a terrific actor. Brad Pitt’s got nothing on me, besides the millions of women that would have sex with him. That’s the only thing that seperates us.

Starting today I’ll be hounded by nerds, mothers who have no idea what they’re looking for, and the occasional female gamer. I’ve stepped on another stone of opportunity and now all that’s left is a life of celibacy.