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Greetings, all! Sit down, sit down. Today is truly a day of merriment, for it is the day that, twenty-five years past, Joseph Luster was born!

(hurrah, hurrah)

(fanfare begins and Joseph sits down on his throne)

To celebrate this day, I decree that you shall all buy him things from his wishlist!

(hurrahs continue. A single naysayer raises his thumb against The Earl. He is vanquished with haste)

Now, disperse, and go cast your eyes upon The Earl’s latest cinematic review!