I’m not sure, but I think I was the most excited about this new feature. True, being a staffer — I can essentially update whenever I want to anyways. In fact, I’m still supposed to check over my reviews and send them in. Perhaps it’s the amount of things going on here in “Real Life” that are keeping me away, but I should really get back on the ball. Having something to focus on is always good for you anyways. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself right now as the pile of things to finish up is slowly amassing to legendary (for me anyways) proportions. I’m hardly a slacker here in the Land of Got-Next, so I find this all very depressing.

Some people consider this to be something telling. My trip to E3 had been difficult on my psyche when I got a phone call from my Mother stating that my Father’s and her’s worst fears were realized. He has all the signs of MS and his doctor was telling him that more tests would need to be done, but that basically — he shouldn’t be too hopeful. Can you believe that? A doctor said that. So, my trip in Los Angeles was something my Mother told me to worry about and keep focused on, but I had that playing over and over in my head. Situations and scenarios of a family that I’m very loyal to, dealing with and helping my Father through MS. Family would call and come over and they’d talk about Dad’s condition but never infront of him.

So where does one find focus and clarity at a time like this? Growing up, it was always my Mother who was sickly and who fought through cancer. When she was dealing with ovarian cancer and yet having children anyways, we all worried about a day where she’d push a bit too hard. We always stood at her bed side and we never once imagined that it would be any of us in her position. Especially, my Father. The pillar of strength for our family — he didn’t get sick and when he did, recovery was always a day later. Even hospital visits and serious injuries, he always picked himself up quickly and rarely ever showed us a glimmer of emotion over it.

When he found out he was being diagnosed with a physically debilitating illness, I was miles away in Los Angeles and there was very little I could do about it. My mother’s biggest fear was depression on his end because he’s not good at being told there is no way to fight. He’s never been good at not having an option and I’m the same way. I’m just as stubborn as he is and when standing infront of my Mother and asking her about what happened… I rebelled in quite the same stance. How could they say there were no warning signs? How could it be this?

I’m sure this is all some reason to bring my family closer together, grab my brother from Minnesota and perhaps either make or break the relationships between us and our extended family. Nowadays, it’s so difficult to know who your friends are which makes it even more difficult when family gives you that same trouble. Who is really compassionate? Who really cares? Who will stand beside us during these most tubulent days? The answer is usually nobody and we’ll all have to get used to that fact sooner or later.

I turned my first blog post into something that is all too melancholy for my usual cheerful banter here on Got-Next. I apologize but if anything, know that the next you hear from me will be sadness-free and glitteringly happy. Opinionated as I may be, I still really treasure having the chance to say something to all you people here in Internet Land. Thanks for sticking around and actually giving me an audience to talk to.

– Candice Shane